Strategists, Advisors and Leaders are Constantly Searching for Unique Skills
The 11 Action Principles of The Trusted Strategic Advisor
Eight Tests That Prove You are a TSA
Do You Really Have the Stomach to be a TSA?
Welcome
Welcome to the first chapter of the first edition of the Trusted Strategic Advisor Fieldbook. I’ve been meaning to develop this document for many years. This Fieldbook is meant to be just that, things that work in the field. I will publish soon the table of contents for this Fieldbook and ask you to critique it and make additional topic suggestions. Here we go.
The Constant Search for Unique Skills
The higher one rises in management and leadership the more difficult it is to locate and be helped by people committed to your interests, needs and goals. Lots of competing agendas at the top.
Senior people and leaders are constantly in search of:
Individuals with common sense.
Individuals with a sense of humor.
Individuals with their ears to the ground.
Individuals who can tell which way the wind will blow.
People who can spot the stinkers, fakers, and charlatans.
People who are iconoclasts, rule breakers, and productive mistake makers.
Pragmatists to help manage the inherent over-optimism of leadership.
True strategists, inconsistent thinkers who ask the toughest questions.
People who can find and tell the truth, first, fast, always.
Where do you fit among these categories? Few people have all of these attributes but most all these traits can be learned. Plus, an even bigger question for you: Are you willing to change yourself for the benefit of others, from their perspective?
One of the most intriguing aspects of being a Trusted Strategic Advisor is developing the habit and the skill of looking at the world through your boss’s eyes. Then, helping the boss see their world more clearly. The lessons are:
Whatever your area of special expertise, chances are the boss needs more from you, beyond your knowledge base.
The boss may ignore your advice, meaning seeking different advice or advisors, or just the notion that other kinds of advice are needed.
Will you expand your vision and thinking beyond what you came with?
Are you willing to find the help needed, even if that reduces your presence in the C suite? If you do this your time in the C suite will expand.
Among the greatest skills of a Trusted Strategic Advisor is the ability to anticipate the direction of leadership thinking and be ready to walk down whatever road is chosen very quickly or block the new direction with a better direction.
The TSA’s Working Principles
Always say things that matter.
Say less but make your messages more important.
Talk to time; Three-minute bursts, 450 words
Write less but make your words powerful, compelling, and memorable.
Write to time; one page, one side; beginning to end, 450 words, 3 minutes.
Suggest less. New ideas are less valuable than getting yesterday’s lingering problems solved.
Be worth hearing because you are memorable, sensible, and say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said.
Being memorable means suggesting crucial, incremental, achievable options from which leaders will choose . . .or reject.
Remember, they choose the option, unless they choose to do something else. Be the first to support their initiative, or to constructively challenge.
It’s their bus. You are a valued guest until you’re not.
Eight Tests You’ll Have to Pass that Demonstrate You Have Become a Trusted Strategic Advisor:
People remember what you say and quote you when you’re not in the room.
People quote you in your presence.
People tell your stories and share the lessons, giving you the credit.
People tell your stories and share your lessons as though those stories and lessons belonged to them.
Others seek your opinions and ideas, then share their agendas and beliefs with you in the hope of influencing you to influence the behaviors and decisions of others more senior than either of you.
The boss asks others to run their stuff by you before running it by them.
You are among the first called and the last consulted for important decisions.
Meetings are held up waiting for you to arrive to make important contributions or interpretations of current events.
Before You Seek to Become a Trusted Strategic Advisor, Ask Yourself:
Hello again, when I published the request for questions last month I was a bit surprised at the responses, and also that I could comment on each one. Several had lessons that struck me from our life together, Barbara and I, running a business together, and growing old together.
You’ll recall the questions was essentially, if you stayed together a long time, what were the circumstances under which you stayed together. In our case, Barbara and I were married for 56 years and she passed away in 2019 from a combination of cancer and Alzheimer’s.
So, now come along 3 or 4 people I actually knew who responded and I thought some comments from me, based on my experience with Barbara, might be helpful.
So, here goes.
Response #1:
Thanks for the memories, Jim!
Actually, when we worked together,
I called you so that I could listen to and speak with Barbara!
Cheers
Comment:
Yes, you and hundreds of other friends and clients every year. If you think back about your calls, if I was in, you wound up talking to me usually withing 30 seconds, whether you wanted to or not. That was her goal for every call. It’s what set us apart from the big guys . . . eventually you got to speak to some helpful person. Within a minute of reaching us you were talking to me.
The bigger the agency the less likely your account person was even selected in the first week.
Barbara and I were committed to getting you something in writing with 24 hrs of your call . . . Being first to connect and respond often helped us get and keep the business. Especially when the bigger firms had to make excuses about their proposal or other key information was delayed. Our stuff was on their desk the next morning . . .from me.
By the time the competitor’s stuff arrived I was at another level and talking budget.
She remembered everyone, their dog’s name, their mother’s infected toe. Always effusively happily. Her mother Ruth was the happiest woman I have ever known, and she spread it around.
Barbara was the second happiest person I have ever known. I know where she got it from . . . totally genuine and real.
Barbara’s real rapport with everyone compensated for my frequent hermit-like behavior. The point is that everything she did was targeted to getting me and the client together, making progress every time there was contact.
Her life and efforts were always committed to what I needed. I never even realized this for the
first several years we were married. Guys can be really dense.
Every year we were together, her commitment to me and my work deepened. That meant for me that every moment we were together, which was almost every moment, I wanted to find ways to acknowledge and actively cherish her efforts. We each found ways every day to acknowledge our loving dependence on each other.
She worked mainly in the office, tended to our two growing boys, making their lives interesting. Taught sewing with knits at the local Junior College. Both boys worked in our business for some of their teen years. As the years passed, and these two amazing kids did things we never thought about. We would frequently ask , “where did you learn that?” Invariably they would point at one or both of us.
Whenever she did come with me, I made it a point to caringly introduce her and mention some specific critical task she was working on for me that day.
Response #2:
Discuss without the intention of controlling or winning the outcome.
Share household responsibilities, especially the “dirty work” of laundry, clearing the dinner table, washing the dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, taking out the garbage, etc.
In bed, hug warmly to absorb the good pheromones. Do it with the kids, too.
Never force sex and say thank you after.
Talk, talk, talk, don’t argue, argue, argue.
Put your list of agreed-upon, cooperative to-dos on the refrigerator door as a gentle, not provocative, reminder.
Comment:
This is pretty negative.
Barbara and I recognized early on the corrosive and coercive power of negative language. The language above is filled with threats of some harmful result if . . .what?
The reality came for us with Barbara’s first pregnancy. By herself, she determined that if she was going to be pregnant it was going to be a happy experience. But then the relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, even total strangers on the bus, or in a store kept showing up with horror stories.
Our decision here was one of the most consequential of our lives together.
No second chances for these negative purveyors of pain and suffering. They were gone. Pronto. Period. We never missed one of them nor did we again fret over handling Uncle Harvey’s abusive behavior. He was gone.
Here’s my take on this couples togetherness plan:
Discuss the intention of finding a mutually peaceful result…and really find it.
Share all household responsibilities. Make an alphabetic list of all tasks and assign them fairly.
In bed, hug warmly to absorb the good pheromones. Do it with the kids, too.
Encourage sex, make it happy, be grateful, and accept all refusals or deferrals lovingly and joyfully.
Talk, talk, talk, listen, listen, listen. Rely on Barbara’s Eight Ingredients of Happiness at all times.
Post your list of agreed-upon, cooperative to-dos on the refrigerator door and perhaps on the workbench, if there is one. Simply call it reminders.
An instructive story:
Jim Jr’s engagement.
At the time, we were pretty sure that the girl Jim Jr. was spending time with was going to be the one he asked to marry, and that did come to pass. A whole other story.
Her family lived in Long Island. Barbara and I were invited to meet them all on a Sunday afternoon. It was a pretty long drive, we were new to the entire New York area, and we soon discovered why Long Island is called Long Island. It is about 100 miles long.
The result is that we arrived late and it was a chilly mid-winter day. We were greeted warmly at the front door, our coats were taken, and we started to head towards what appeared to be a living room, but it was also quite evident that there was a very serious fight going on verbally with some of the people in that room. As we walked toward the room, we looked at each other, and thought, “What was this all about?” We both decided at the same time, we weren’t going to stay for whatever it was.
We turned around, got our coats out of the closet, and started heading out the front door when Jim’s fiancé rushed up and asked where we were going. Our response, almost in unison, we don’t do these things this way. Give us a call when things have calmed down. Her mother, whose name is also Barbara, came up and was in shock, but we were determined we weren’t going to hang around for whatever was going on in that house.
Every day the following week we got a call from Barbara, from Jim’s fiancé, from others in the family that we please return and they promised to “be on our best behavior”. The following Sunday, there was to be a re-acquaintance. This time, we were on time. It was still chilly, and when the front door opened there were about 20 people in a line, each one smiling and saying happy things, but mostly saying, “We’ll be on our best behavior, please stay.” It was actually pretty funny. In fact, it came to be kind of a funny ritual whenever we attended a family event.
Response #3:
We gave each other space and privacy when necessary.
Comment:
Our experience was different. Barbara and I constantly looked for ways to be together. We wanted to work together, travel together, do everything in our lives together, and so we did.
After 56 years of marriage, I can’t recall one circumstance where we chose to separate for any reason. But again, that was Barbara and I. We held hands from the time we were teenagers and that was the talk of the family as well. Everywhere we went, we walked together and held hands.
So this response is an interesting one. We just hadn’t thought of this as a strategy for building a long-term relationship. But as they say, whatever keeps your boat afloat.
Response #4:
When Mama’s Happy, Everybody’s Happy!
Comment:
Here again, our situation was somewhat different. There were two Mama’s, Barbara’s mother and Barbara, who were really the happiness merchants in the family. I actually only recall one circumstance where there was just a bit of tension. That was when Barbara and I announced our engagement on a Sunday afternoon in September. Barbara’s mother pulled me aside pretty quickly, looked me in the eye, and said sternly, “James, there will be no weddings in this family until my daughters have careers.” I understood immediately because Ruth’s first husband died of multiple myeloma when Barbara was 10 and her sister Bonny was 2. At the time, she left college to marry her husband and by all accounts, it was an extraordinary match. He drove a laundry truck for Pilgrim Laundry but was a really striking individual and very memorable.
In fact, I never met him, but they talked about him all the time as though he was coming to dinner that evening. A couple of times I had to ask Barbara’s family members, “He is dead? Isn’t he?” And they assured me he was, but he was just that powerful past family character.
When I thought of this response in our family situation, the mamas were busy making everybody else happy, but I can certainly relate to this sentiment.
I certainly hope to hear from more of you about the techniques you use to stay together for many, many years.
Please send your responses to the question, “How did you stay married for so many years?” to me at jel@e911.com. Subject line: Happiness Responses.
Barbara’s Eight Ingredients of Happiness
1. Strive to always say nice things about and to each other in private and publicly every day, everywhere.
2. Avoid saying the two or three divisive, corrosive things we might love to mention every day. Just skip it.
3. Always better to be positive or blah than negative or inflammatory.
4. Keep negative, irritating, needlessly, and intentionally abrasive people out of our lives. Walk away.
5. Happiness is having a simple, sensible, satisfying life every day.
6. Maintain a genuine respect for each other 24.7.
7. Always work to shift the credit for success to each other or others.
8.Be sure your advice is helpful. Before you speak ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”
Jeff Greenfield, a nationally known political correspondent and analyst for four major television networks, has a fool-proof methodology for predicting who will be elected president. He forecasts, “To know who will win, keep in mind one clear consistent irrefutable rule: Bugs Bunny always beats Daffy Duck.” Greenfield goes on to explain with many examples, “The candidate who exudes the cool, savvy confidence of Bugs beats the one who projects Daffy’s tightly wound anger.”
Greenfield calls it the, “Having a beer after work factor.” Greenfield reminds us that, despite the hundreds, even thousands of polls and election models when you’re in that voting booth, you will look for the candidate who exhibits the Bugs Bunny factors and the winner of the election, even if you don’t drink beer.
For the whole story see The Wall Street Journal, March 22, 2024 print edition, “Who Will Win in November? Think Bugs vs. Daffy”.
How to Have a Happier Life Use Barbara’s 5 Daily Happiness Habits Plus The Platinum Rule
This essay attempts to answer what is probably the most frequently asked question for Barbara and I through much of our married life: “How did you work together and yet maintain and project such devotion, love, and happiness for so many years?” Hope Barbara’s ideas help you change your life. We met in high school and were married for 56 magical years. We worked the last 32 years of her life together. Jim (Jim for Barbara)
Always find and say nice things about and to each other in private and publicly every day, everywhere. Insist on a continuously positive tone. Just start doing it and keep doing it.
Avoid saying those two or three tired, corrosive, divisive things we might love to mention some days. Suck it up, swallow it, and let it go.
Always be positive or blah rather than negative or inflammatory.
Ditch the downers. Keep negative, irritating, needlessly, and intentionally abrasive individuals and organizations out of our lives. Over the years we did lose a number of friends. Their irritating and argumentative behaviors didn’t fit our lives. We could not change them, so we simply dumped them. Happiness broke out immediately.
Happiness is intentional. Get in the habit of subjecting everything you do or plan to do to these happiness-building tests, is it simple, sensible, satisfying, positive, helpful, useful, and truthful every hour of every day? Skip anything that fails even one of these tests. Give yourself the gift of happiness. No’s are always remembered, and are permanent.
Corollaries to Barbara’s 5 Habits
Find things to verbally compliment each other daily, especially in front of family and other people.
Happiness habits practiced every day become easier. Continued, they strengthen your relationship, your love, and your trust in each other.
When in doubt, say yes. Say yes, a lot! Start with yes, end with yes.
This document, initially published on August 23, 2020, the first anniversary of Barbara’s death, was a way for us to answer the happiness questions which are still asked quite frequently. It is shared here because it seems to have had such a positive impact on so many lives. I, we, hope these thoughts are meaningful and helpful to you.
The Platinum Rule* Help Others Who Want And Need Assistance Helping Others Achieve Their Goals And Aspirations Many Of Those You Help Will Thank You.
This rule is 10 times more powerful than the Golden Rule which only says, “ do unto others. . .
The Platinum Rule says help those who need help to help yet others do what the others want or need by providing the necessary assistance to help others who can’t, by themselves, complete what they seek to achieve.
The Ethical and Practical principles I follow support both rules. Share your own version of these approaches with others who work with you, people you’d like to work with, and people you will seek to work with.
Find ways to discuss these ideas, explain them, and ask and answer questions about them.
Everyone you care about or those who care about you should be aware of ideas like The Platinum Rule. Help them live and learn to form their own principles.
Practice The Platinum Rule helping those you help to help others. All will remember and thank you.
PLEASE NOTE: This idea has many advocates. When I first began mentioning it I was directed to Amazon which lists more than a dozen currently available books by prominent authors with absolutely the same idea.
Good luck.
An important to do list to a better, happier, more successful life: This is a life saving and happiness recovery strategy.
An important to do list to a better, happier, more successful life: This is a life saving and happiness recovery strategy. The metaphor is the warning you get when you’re on an airliner: in case of sudden loss of cabin air pressure, put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then help others.This document reflects the ongoing loss of civility and decency in our lives and is designed to be your civility and decency “oxygen mask”. Do these for yourself first. That will enable you to help others.
Welcome to parts one and two of America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto. In this issue we feature two elements of the manifesto. The first comes from Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, who on June 9th, 2017 was inspired to initiate a national conversation about moral responsibilities of businesses. In our book, The Decency Code: The Leader’s Path to Building Integrity and Trust, Steve Harrison and I have taken elements of Tim Cook’s MIT commencement address and transformed them into the first part of America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto.In part two, The Civility Credo, Jim Lukaszewski proposes an actionable definition of civility.Dictionary.com defines a manifesto as, “A public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives….” We would add the word “brief” and hope that you will find that as this document grows it will be useful in helping you develop your personal and organizational intentions, opinions and objectives in a way that is civil, decent and actionable.
