(And You’re Missing an Enormous Credibility, Trust, and Integrity Building Opportunity)
Asking people to ask questions often is irritating and disappointing to clients and audiences. No matter how sincere you are, this question implies laziness or feels like you don’t care. Worse, to some you appear to be holding back information you know that they probably should have. To be a better leader or a truly successful and important Trusted Strategic Advisor, take control of all question opportunities. Rather than asking people to ask questions, suggest questions people should be asking and, if you can, answer them. Clients and audiences will be totally surprised, pleased, and grateful. They will remember you.
Asking people to ask questions shuts off the conversation, and a powerful opportunity to communicate, educate, and energize the people you’re helping is lost. As a leader or Trusted Strategic Advisor, you want to do more in every aspect of your work for the people you’re advising. This is a powerful moment for recipients.
Ending a conversation with, “Let me know if you have questions,” happens so frequently to just about everyone that we are only slightly angry or irritated when it happens. We shrug our shoulders and make our way through our lives without the information we were hoping to obtain.
My wife of 56 years, Barbara, had cancer toward the end of her life. She had two really wonderful oncologists – one was medicine-related and the other was a surgeon. Barbara really loved these two people as she worked through the terrifying cancer experience.
It is hard to believe how accidentally callous smart people can be. “If you have any questions, just call me, I’m available 24/7.” Shame on you.
In my case, it was very stressful. We were new to the cancer trail. We were always left sucking wind, not knowing the questions we’re supposed to ask. Out of frustration, I called our helpful general practitioner. These doctors leave the scene when the experts show up. I complained that we just don’t know what questions to ask. His response was, “Do you have a pencil?” He gave me 54 questions, none of which we would ever have thought of. The way he structured the questions, we could see how helpful it would have been had we known and expected these questions and answers earlier in the process.
At our next oncologist appointment, I mentioned our concern about not knowing what questions to ask, and that, perhaps, our experts could think about what we should be asking. They instantly responded and were quite generous in helping us know more sooner. They were constantly suggesting things we should think about.
I tell this story because it gets the point across clearly. Barbara survived her cancer.
I’ve used this technique in all the consulting that I’ve done. I anticipate the fact that potential questions may be building up in the minds of the people I’m helping, but that they are reluctant to voluntarily interrupt what we’re doing to get the questions answered. Or worse, they can’t listen because they’re preoccupied trying to figure out what they should be asking.
I want to replace that frustration with the surprise that someone could actually be so thoughtful.
Here are some of the personal interrupters I use as a speaker or presenter to help the audience with questions:
- “At this point in the conversation, I almost always get these three questions. You might want to consider them as well.” Then I provide the questions. And since I know what the questions are going to be, I already know what the answers are. You can actually pull a double surprise – you help them resolve their stress about having questions and answer the questions, or tell them how you plan to get those questions answered.
- Another technique I use is to say, “If you have a question, please interrupt me so we can respond, answer, or work on them right away. I love being interrupted.” The most important reason I use this technique is because it almost always triggers additional questions, which I might never have heard and they might never have asked. People almost always comment on how unexpectedly helpful what we’re talking about became when I interrupt myself with my little Q&A gambit.
- At some point, I do ask if there are any more questions. If no hands go up, I say, “Well, I can think of a few more.” Then I ask and answer them.
- Another way I interrupt myself is to do just that, pausing and saying, “Let me share how I think about this or how I came to these ideas to help you better remember why they might be valuable for you in your situation.”
- Take control of the questions. Use them to build confidence in you.
What you’ll find if you behave this way is more access, more impact, more cooperation, and more trust. It’s a simple way to wear your empathy, integrity, and trustability on your sleeve.
©2025, James E. Lukaszewski. Contact the copyright holder at jel@e911.com for information and reproduction permissions. Editing or excerpting is forbidden.