It is extraordinary how the process of establishing trust is similar in situations and relationships between individuals and families; between individuals and organizations; between organizations themselves; between organizations and society; even between cultures. Establishing trust is the product of sensible, simple, constructive, and practical steps. It’s also been my experience that establishing and maintaining trust is a process, carried out with directness and simplicity. There are five elements in establishing and maintaining trust.
1. Provide Advance Information – a “Heads Up” – Whenever You Can
Advance information is the first and most important ingredient because its absence has one of the most toxic impacts on relationships. You trust another individual above all else because of their willingness to anticipate those situations that could be negative or threatening.
In the context of senior leaders, it’s making certain they have, from you, the information they need to achieve their objectives, or to defend or deflect actions or perceptions that could be detrimental to their success or progress. They expect to be warned of danger, damaging decisions or threats, potential disasters, and disloyalty.
2. Seek the Leader’s Input
Asking for input is the second most powerful ingredient of trust. Those being asked are also receiving a signal of their value to the requester. Taking action without asking or seeking input is considered to be arrogant and unempathetic. Early in my career, I was active in a wide variety of organizations engaged in security issues for companies. In one such organization, all members were Senior Vice Presidents of the Fortune 100 Companies. Several were clients of his.
One afternoon I was contacted by a senior security person to come down to the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami and conduct a briefing on some of the more important security issues of the day for an industry organization. I was happy to meet him; he was well known in the security community. I asked, “Well, about how long were you planning on my speaking?” He said, “About 20 minutes.”
It was a beautiful opportunity, but I had to make the comment, “That’s a pretty short amount of time to go all the way from New York to Miami Beach.” The caller responded, “Well Jim, what would be an ideal time for you to speak?” and I said, “I made a number of presentations to your group, and they averaged about three hours each.” There was a big pause. The gentleman said, “Well, I’m new to the group and the chair of the committee to put this program together. I don’t believe I can go back to the committee itself and say I have someone who wants to speak for three hours.” So I said, “I’ve been with your group for a number of years; let me give you the names of five different members that I’ve worked with over the years. Without prompting, ask them how long they would like me to be on the stage.” A couple days later I was contacted again. “I’ll be doggone.” the caller said, “Every one of them said three hours or more if he could get the time.” I got the gig.
These are wonderful people doing some of the scariest work you can do in your day job. The talk went very well, and when I returned to my office (this is a very old story) there were about 15 slips on my desk reflecting phone messages. I immediately became worried. What could I have possibly said?
Luckily, among the messages were two or three people that I knew in the organization, so I called them.
The first man worked for one of the top four auto manufacturers. He said, “Well Jim, I don’t know about the rest of the group, but I called you because I think you saved my career.” This is a true story. I cut to the chase immediately and said, “What did I say?” He said, “Well frankly, when you talked about going to the boss before you started planning for crisis situations and emergencies, and asking them what they were more afraid of or concerned about. I’ve never done that.”
He said, “I’ve been here a long time. I’m usually in the habit of preparing a proposal and then walking in and having a complete but short discussion. I tried your way yesterday.” I said, “So, what was the difference?” “The boss immediately relaxed and said, ‘This is the first time you’ve ever had this kind of a conversation with me and I’m delighted. There are three things that keep me awake at night . . .’”
He said, “I suggested I send him a proposal that focused on the three areas that he was most concerned about.”
Later that day, other men that I knew (in those days all top security people were male) each, without having spoken to each other, said the same thing. They had always planned on their own without talking ahead of time with their boss on the issues.
Every one of these 12 people had the same question. What if the boss says no? My answer was immediate: do something else.
But the questioners persisted. What if this is really crucial to the survival of the company and terribly important? I answered with a question: Whose name is on the door, and who is driving the bus? It’s their bus. If you want to ride up front, seek their advice first. Long story, lots of powerful lessons here.
3. Listen Carefully
Careful listening is driven by the conversation or information that is exchanged, the constructive and open nature and the questions that are asked for clarification, and a real sense that each individual or organization is engaged in the conversations that take place during the relationship. Trust depends on careful listening, in both directions.
SSOLLERR* is a listening technique to enhance personal communication. It can be very effective, depending on the situation, and the individuals involved. Gerald Egan recommended using an ‘acronym’ to help build all the components into communication with others. The SSOLLERR theory has seven basic components:
- Stop what you are doing and focus.
- Sit squarely and face people; the bodily orientation that you adopt conveys a message that you are involved.
- Open body shape; an open posture is generally seen as approachable. Crossed arms or legs might convey that you feel distant with the individual.
- Leave your phone turned upside down on the table or, better yet, off the table completely.
- Lean forward slightly; a slight inclination forward is taken as showing personal interest and commitment.
- Eye contact; regular but varied eye contact is conveyed as interest in the person.
- Relax; maintain a relaxed appearance and manner.
- Reflective questions; ask who, what, why, where, when, and how.
SSOLLERR can help to guide you when you are discussing sensitive information. Within the main content, active listening is essential. Active listening involves trying to understand the meaning of the words being used by the service user and the context from which they originate. Active listening is developing an interaction with the service user that helps to identify the real issues and to provide a meaningful dialogue in exchange.
4. Change Your Approach Based on What You Hear
When you change or modify your plans or expectations as a result of listening and input, it further demonstrates that you can be trusted. Active engagement, paying attention, and reflecting what is heard is demonstrated by changing previously announced actions, planned behaviors, and outcomes.
5. Stay Engaged
Trust maintenance is an ongoing, interactive process. Rather than waiting for others to contact you or maintain the relationship, you call, on your own behalf and in their own best interests, to keep the relationship moving, alive, and essential.
The wise advisor helps leaders recognize that their own ability to establish, maintain, and restore trust rests on these same five actions.
You’ll find more on this topic in my new book, Influencing Leaders: The Seven Disciplines of the Trusted Strategic Advisor.
* This version of the technique was adapted from Egan’s original 1975 SOLER model.
©2026, James E. Lukaszewski, “Influencing Leaders, The Seven Disciplines of the Trusted Strategic Advisor,” Wiley; pages 62-65. Contact the copyright holder at jel@e911.com for information and reproduction permissions. Editing or excerpting forbidden.