How does bad news start? Often, as the result of defensive, negative answers to questions. Defensive responses guarantee tough, embarrassing, irritating, even insulting, follow-up questions from the media, colleagues, and stakeholders; and shuts down employee progress and productivity.
How do you avoid being defensive? First, try to eliminate the use of negative words – can’t, shouldn’t, won’t, don’t, mustn’t, not, no. Second, try to use positive power words – interesting, unusual, different, unique, powerful, essential, urgent. Negative responses always invite debates in negative terms.
The discipline of using positive language is the most powerful tool of leadership. Positive language leads to understandability, credibility, contention-reduction, and truthfulness. One of the most telling indicators of impending or existing leadership failure is the use of confusing, conflicting, erroneous, or damaging negative language. Leadership and achievement are about the future. Positive language is leadership language to the future.
To reduce conflict, eradicate these defensive answers and others like them. Instead consider a positive alternative.
| Negative Statements | Positive Alternatives |
|---|---|
| I don’t like that idea. | What I’d like to see is . . . . |
| I don’t see the connection. | Here’s what I think. |
| I wouldn’t say that. | I would say . . . . |
| It can’t be done. | There must be another way. |
| It didn’t happen that way. | Here’s what happened. |
| It won’t work. | What will work is . . . . |
| It’s against company policy. | The company policy is . . . . |
| It’s never been done before. | This is the first time I’ve heard of this. |
| It’s not my responsibility. | This area is (blank’s) responsibility. |
| It’s too much trouble. | It’s more trouble than it’s worth. |
| Our boss would never buy it. | Here’s what the boss would do. |
| Our customers wouldn’t like it. | Our customers prefer . . . . |
| Our people would never do that. | Let’s ask people what they would like to do. |
| No comment. | When there’s something to say, I will say it. |
| Not my job, unfortunately. | My job is . . . . |
| Not that again. | We’ve heard this before; it’s been rejected. |
| That isn’t our problem. | It’s really (blank’s) problem. |
| That’s impossible. | Here’s what is possible. |
| That’s not a good question. | A better question is . . . . |
| That’s not our fault. | Let’s find out whose fault it is. |
| We aren’t a bad company. | We are a (blank) company. |
| We can’t change that fast. | It will take longer to fix. |
| We can’t talk about it. | When we can talk about it, we will. |
| We couldn’t have known. | If we’d known, we would have . . . . |
| We did all right without it. | Other options, such as (blank) worked better. |
| We didn’t know. | We found out afterward. |
| We don’t care. | Here’s what we care about. |
| We don’t have enough studies. | We need better studies. |
| We don’t have the resources. | All the resources are allocated elsewhere. |
| We don’t have the time. | We are out of time. |
| We won’t have the money. | Our resources are already committed. |
| We’re just too busy, we can’t. | Let’s discuss priorities and make changes. |
| We’re not ready for that. | It’s too early for that approach. |
| What you’re not saying is . . . | What you’re really saying is . . . . |
| Why won’t you use everything I say? | You need to do and say what I tell you. |
Remember: There are three ways to answer questions. You can be positive, negative, or blah. Whichever style you use, it takes about the same amount of energy to answer. So, be positive! The benefit? It’s nearly impossible to be positive and defensive at the same time.