The most frequent question I’m asked by senior practitioners is: “Jim, how did you get executives and bosses to change their minds and their ways? I have been with my leader for many years, I trust her, I like her, we work well together, but it’s impossible to change her mind on so many things. I think she knows what’s right but persists in doing something else. She’s consulting me less and less, and there are more surprises. How would you, America’s Crisis Guru®, convince her to change?”
At this point, I usually ask how long these individuals have been seeking changes. Many say, “From the day they arrived.” “How long ago was that?” “Eons,” is the response they say with a sigh.
This quote from a frustrated boss says it all: “I have enjoyed working with this person for a long time, but they insist on new ways to do things. It’s frustrating. The reason I’m here until nine at night is because I haven’t gotten today’s and yesterday’s work done. A new idea has to be somewhat sensational to get my attention.” Do you get it?
I have a 10-day rule on proposing or persisting in proposing new ideas:
- If they don’t jump on the proposal immediately, I wait 10 days.
Then I provide a not-so-subtle reminder.
If there is no response or acknowledgment, I forget that idea and move on to another. One thing about creative people is that we waste ideas, actually throw ideas out in the trash every day. Grab one out of the trash and give it a fresh start.
Way too many senior people have a collection of persistently ignored suggestions in the hopes of having some kind of breakthrough… which almost never happens. - Senior leaders make decisions on suggestions and ideas almost immediately. These are adults making adult decisions. They are paid to quickly decide everything. And they do. When they see you coming down the hall, they duck into the first doorway to avoid talking to you, take the hint. Their decision not to talk with you is immediate, intentional, and generally permanent.
Too many senior people have stuck around in the belief that, over time, change will occur. This is simply a false assumption. It’s based on the equally false assumption that if we are good, smart, loyal, and pleasantly persistent, at some point they will again start listening to us. That’s one of the times it’s important to consider moving on. Once they turn you off, they will rarely turn you on again. - There are countless, disappointed, truly good senior people who believe, sadly and falsely, that they will be listened to at some point in the future. Some crises will befall their leader and the leader will be forced to turn to the trusted helper for assistance. What really happens is the leader ends up hiring outsiders, fresh faces, a new team is formed, and you’re not invited. Some loyal subordinates have spent years waiting.
- Loyalty has limits always controlled by somebody else. Time to set your own.
- There is one situation that demands your immediate and decisive action. If the behaviors to be changed are outrageous, unconscionable, questionable, borderline illegal, actually illegal, clearly stupid, hurtful, or abusive, you have only one choice: get out of there as fast as possible. Leaders who behave this way will never change and will always try to co-opt you into doing something you can never tell your mother, wife, or daughter about.
If you stay, despite your good intentions, you become an enabler, a co-conspirator, and a collaborator. When behaviors get corrected, which usually involves the departure of bad actors, you will get the boot too, and you should. - Loyalty is a two-way street. The moment it becomes obvious you are on a one-way path out, as hard as it is, it’s time to move on. Too many good people have stayed on for what seemed to be good reasons, but wound up disaffected, disappointed, dissatisfied, trapped by false, unreturned loyalty. Once this happens, your heart, your gut, and your friends may tell you, “Staying will be worth it in the end.” It never is. In fact, the end happened some time ago. But the feelings of sadness, betrayal, and failure remain forever.
- When there is avoidance, excuses, doubt, and exclusion, leave. You’ll immediately be happier, sleep a lot better, and you will suddenly become a happier, better parent, partner, friend, and neighbor.
Life is about happiness, which only you can create for yourself…Some place else.
You might find it useful to review Insidious Unethical Behaviors.
Original © 2006, James E. Lukaszewski, The Lukaszewski Group, Inc. Contact the copyright holder at jel@e911.com for information and reproduction permissions. Editing or excerpting forbidden.
