Concise Advice #19: Your Mother Was Wrong About One Thing

“Words will never hurt you…,”
Is a Total Lie.

Remember, when you were five years old, and the first time you got beat up and shouted at on the playground by some kid you didn’t even know? Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa said, “There, there…sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!”. By age nine you knew this was a total lie. Abusive, Demeaning, Uncivil, Unconscionable Language, and Accusations victimize, producing hidden wounds that last a lifetime.

When those words and deeds come back to haunt you, unless you say something, you always suffer alone. That’s because wounds from words are:

  • Bloodless
  • Lifelong
  • Invisible
  • Irreversible
  • Revictimizing
  • Scarless
  • Unhealable
  • * Experiences of Others Can Trigger your Sudden Devastating Reliving of a Prior Experience of Anger, Fear, Terror, and Hurt.

*The last item is the worst, the sudden revictimizing suffered when something outrageous in someone else’s life triggers terrible and painful memories from your own life. The anger, terror, fear, and hurt rush back, you can’t stop it. Whenever I talk about sexual harassment, for example, or assault, I assume that at least 40% of the female members in the audience are reliving something awful from their past life.

In Every Culture:
There are words and behaviors you can never
take back, words that cause lifetime victimization
and suffering of others and yourself.

What I Believe and You Should Too

Appalling, questionable, inappropriate, unethical, unconscionable, immoral, predatory, improper, victim-producing, and criminal behaviors are intentional. Adults choosing to harm, damage, embarrass, or victimize.

I Also Believe

Compassionate, decent, honorable, lawful behaviors, leadership decisions, and moral behaviors are also intentional.

You Already Know This

The choice is always clear and always yours.

Remember and Apply
the Ingredients of Decency First


Keep this list handy near your phone, maybe in your wallet, when you are tempted to say or do something that might be irritating or offensive, choose and ingredient of decency instead.

Avoid These Real Causes
of Permanent Victimization

Assault, physical and verbalLies
Bullying, physical and verbalNeglect/negligence

Then, Even Worse are
Unconscionable Behaviors

All are unethical, and most are also evil because their use is diabolically intended to harm and victimize the innocent.

Unconscionable intentions, behaviors, actions, and decisions are those that:

*VilifyExpress Anger and Irritation, to Cause Harm
DamageDemand or bully
DemeanAre Mean
DismissAre Negative
Cause Intentional PainDisparage

Speak Up

Unconscionable intentions, behaviors, actions, and decisions and their perpetrators need to be called out when you see them or hear of them. It’s the only way we can rid ourselves of these behaviors and the people who intentionally abuse us and others with them.