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Jim’s Wisdom #38: Waging Peace, Avoiding Incivility

Word Count: 656 (reading time: 4 minutes, 20 seconds)

Bad news is caused by intentionally chosen negative language.

Peace and civility come from intentionally chosen positive language and behavior.

  • How to build a constructive, positive, and happy environment at work, in the community, and home.
  • How to remove the negativity of snipy, nasty, and upset people from your workplace, community, and even your home life.
  • Become obsessed enough to wage peace, eradicate bad language, and have a civil, decent, and productive life.

Waging Peace

The crucial ingredients in civil, decent, helpful, and important communication are positive language and behavior. Yes, it’s that simple, but still extremely hard to accomplish every day all day. Experience shows that one of the most powerful drivers of leadership success is a relentless reliance on positive language. Talking about what to do rather than what not to do.

What’s required first is the eradication of negative language. This step eliminates negative behavior, decisions, and attitudes. How does one really do that? Can peace, tranquility, civility, and decency be that simple to achieve? A passionate commitment to positive language and behavior is challenging and persistently difficult for human beings to commit to. But help is here.

Eradicating Negative Language

When I’m teaching leadership how to get themselves out of trouble our first stop and constant commitment is to remove negativity of every kind from our daily lives, and the lives of others. This is a discipline that requires constant attention. The systematic removal of negativity from our lives will have immediate impact on everyone around you. They will notice. They will notice more when you insist that they too be positive as well and eliminate negativity. And you help them do that every day.

Getting started is the hard part but here’s a tool to help you do that.

Introducing The Bad News Eradicator

The Bad News Eradicator was designed to help eliminate defensive words and negative phrases from your speech, writing, decisions, and actions.

  1. Keep the Bad News Eradicator near you. [Click here to see the complete list of bad news eradicating phrases]
  2. Take it with you when you travel. 
  3. Collect your own set of habitual negative phrases and words to eradicate
  4. Add your negative habits to the eradicator sheet, then create their positive equivalents.
  5. Get a whole new life. Give a whole new life to others.

How to use the Bad News Eradicator

Examples of Bad News Eradication

Negative StatementPositive Change
1. “I can’t comment on what hasn’t happened.”1. “When it happens, I’ll comment.”
2. “I can’t speak for them.”2. “They can speak for themselves.”
3. “I don’t know.”3. “Here’s what I know…”
4. “I wouldn’t say that.”4. “What I would say is…”
5. “It didn’t happen that way.”5. “Here’s what happened.”
6. “It’s never been done before.6. “This is the first time.”
7. “It’s not too expensive.”7. “It’s affordable.”
8. “Let’s not kid ourselves.”8. “Let’s stay focused on what matters.”
9. “Nothing is impossible.”9. “Everything is possible.”
10. “Please don’t hesitate to ask.”10. “Please Ask.”
11. “That’s not a bad idea.”11. “That could be a good idea.”

We’ll publish more soon.

Click here if you’d like to receive all 189 negative language CHANGE examples.

Click here to read: Time to Eradicate Your Bad News.

Click here to read: Time to Eradicate Your Bad News Volume 2.

Click here to read: The Seven Corrosive Powers of Negative Language.

James E. Lukaszewski
Americas Crisis Guru®

ABC, Fellow IABC, APR, Fellow PRSA, BEPS Emeritus (2015) 


Mainstreet Village, 7601 Lyndale Ave S, STE 32, Richfield MN 
jel@e911.com 
203-948-7029 

    Wednesday’s Smart Shibboleth #5: A Trust and Credibility Shibboleth for Leaders and Organizations

    Word Count: 270 words (~1 minute, 40 seconds reading time) 

    When it comes to credibility and trust, the fundamentally trustable behavior of organizations is reflected in its leadership’s behavior and leadership’s commitment to trustable decisions and actions. 

    Management’s Credibility Mantra: Credibility is Conferred On Us Based On Our Past Behaviors. 

    These six actionable tasks or assignments, if executed by everyone in the organization, especially by leadership example, will foster trust and credibility, as well as demonstrate extraordinary integrity. 

    1. “When problems occur, we’ll be prepared to talk openly about them and act quickly to respond to them operationally.” 
    1. “If the public should know about an issue or problem which could affect them, we will voluntarily talk about it as quickly and as completely as we can.” 
    1. “When the problems or changes occur, we will keep the community posted on a schedule they set until the problem or changes have been thoroughly explained or resolved.” 
    1. We will answer any questions the community may have and suggest and volunteer additional information on matters the community has yet to ask questions about.” 
    1. “We will be cooperative with the news media, but our primary responsibility is to communicate directly with those most directly affected by our actions as soon as possible.” 
    1. “We will respect and seek to work with those who oppose us.” 

    James E. Lukaszewski
    Americas Crisis Guru®

    ABC, Fellow IABC, APR, Fellow PRSA, BEPS Emeritus (2015) 

    *Shibboleth, Jim’s Definition: practical information you can use today and tomorrow, and lasts a long time. 
    Mainstreet Village, 7601 Lyndale Ave S, STE 32, Richfield MN 
    jel@e911.com 
    203-948-7029 

      Wednesday Smart Shibboleth #4: Destructive Language Decimates Trust

      Word Count: 170 words (~ 1 minute, 5 seconds reading time)

      Leadership language choices in difficult situations are often early indicators of the dysfunctional nature of leadership. In fact, their behaviors and language choices are often diagnostic of this dysfunction. Here are some examples to watch for:

      1. Denial
      2. Defensiveness
      3. Deflection
      4. Denigration
      5. Disrespect
      6. Demeaning
      7. Discrediting
      8. Disdain

      Not only do these behaviors, attitudes, and language choices destroy trust, they create victims, critics, and angry people, families, and organizations.

      These negative examples waste time, often trigger similar even more emotionally negative responses in return, foster contentiousness, confrontation, contempt, confusion, and consternation. These behavior choices are likely to require strong, positive, remedial behaviors.

      Watch for the Shibboleth on reputation and trust recovery following a crisis.

      James E. Lukaszewski

      Americas Crisis Guru®
      ABC, Fellow IABC; APR, Fellow PRSA; PRSA BEPS Emeritus 2015

      jel@e911.com
      www.e911.com
      203-948-7029

        Jim’s Wisdom #37: Your Pocket Decency Manifesto

        Starting Back Up The Path To Decency: a Manifesto

        Why a manifesto?

        Seven big reasons:

        1. To anticipate an answer to the most important questions for those interested in building a decency-based workplace culture, before they are asked.
        2. To trigger and answer in advance the crucial questions you need to see, hear, and resolve. They will be about developing decency, civility, and integrity in your workplace.
        3. To anticipate and answer in advance the questions that bother you most about what’s happening in our culture; the decency denial and deficit in America’s workplaces and in your workplace.
        4. To help you bring your personal views of decency, civility, and integrity from your personal life, family community, and home into your working life.
        5. To reveal the many pathways available to decency, civility, integrity, and trust.
        6. Learn to recognize and prevent the victimization indecency and incivility cause.
        7. Recognize and prevent leadership and management misbehaviors that trigger the incivility, and unconscionable behaviors that contaminate decent and civil culture.

        The Pocket Decency Manifesto is your daily to-do list to inspire, to motivate, and to stimulate your energy and efforts in building a decency driven workplace. There are critical ingredients here designed to help you protect, defend, and preserve what you and others achieve along the path to a decency driven workplace.

        Good luck.

        Word count: 286 words (1 minute 40 seconds) 

        1. The Nine Pillars Of A Decency Driven Workplace 

        Candor: truth with an attitude delivered right now.  
        Civility: patience, empathy, curiosity, tolerance. Small decencies. 
        Ethics: seek ideal conduct, go the right way first, reject all alternatives and wrong ways. 
        Humility: being humble; maintain modest opinion of one’s own importance or rank. 
        Integrity: honest consideration and inclusion of other points of view. 
        Openness: seeking and promptly addressing the concerns of others. 
        Responsiveness: do it now, change it now, fix it now, stop it now, start it now. 
        Reticence: resist the corrosiveness of negativity, criticism, and arrogance.  
        Trust: Seek the absence of fear because fear is the absence of trust. 

        2. The Three Most Powerful Civilities 

        Listening: the greatest civility we can show another human being. 
        Positivity: the only path to a successful future. All other routes lead only to trouble. 
        Small Decencies: the principal ingredients of trust, respect, humility, acceptance, and greatness. 

        3. The Most Crucial Ingredients Of A Decency Driven Workplace 

        Obsession with civility, decency, humility, integrity, modesty, truth, and trust. 
        Walk the talk: in every assembly, communication, conversation, document, event, meeting, proposal, and pitch.  
        Immerse every idea, suggestion, attitude, and behavior in decency. 
        Interpret everything in the context of civility, decency, integrity, trust, and truthfulness. 
        Aggressively block, expose, and eliminate all barriers, interference, reluctance, and disparagement of decency, civility, and humility initiatives.  
        Shun those who: belittle, demean, deny, denigrate, disparage, or espouse opposition to decency, civility, and truth. Your destiny is up to you to protect, defend, and preserve. 

        James E. Lukaszewski

        ABC, Fellow IABC, APR, Fellow PRSA, BEPS Emeritus (2015) 

        James E. Lukaszewski is a well-known writer, author, teacher, scholar, and lecturer in American Public Relations. 
        Mainstreet Village, 7601 Lyndale Ave S, STE 32, Richfield MN 
        jel@e911.com 
        203-948-7029 

          Wednesday’s Smart Shibboleth #3: Manager of First Impressions – The Two-Minute Schmooze

          Word Count: 413 (2 minutes, 45 seconds)

          Steve Harrison, one of three founders and Chairman of Lee Hecht Harrison, the world’s leading Talent management company, had just hired a new COO, Ray. He had an MBA and was recently retired from the US Army with the rank of brigadier general.

          So he could get to know as many people as possible, Steve took Ray on a tour of the company. At their first branch office stop, Melissa, the receptionist, was on duty.

          “How are you, Melissa?” Steve asked.

          “Fine. And you, Steve?”

          “Great. Have a good day.”

          “You too.”

          Steve proceeded toward the interior offices, but Ray pulled them back to Melissa’s desk.

          After introducing himself, Ray launched a dialogue with Melissa. “How long have you been with us?” “How did you hear about us?” “What did you do before you joined our firm?” “What kind of dog is that in the picture?” “What do you think of this business we’re in together?” The collaborative language was infectious. It communicated that Ray and Melissa were in the enterprise as equal partners. Ray also asked Melissa if she had any questions. He waited, Melissa asked a couple, Ray answered them candidly. Melissa was clearly delighted with the exchange.

          Finally Ray said, “Well, nice to meet you, Melissa. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’. I look forward to seeing you next time I’m here.”

          With that, Ray and Steve went inside to meet the rest of the staff.

          Steve asked Ray, “What was that all about?”

          Ray said, “That’s called the two-minute schmooze! Receptionists meet or talk to more people critical to our company in one month than you or I ever do in a year: people at all levels, from all our branches everywhere, our customers, suppliers, colleagues, bosses, applicants, and job seekers. Most of all, receptionists talk to each other. They are a key part of our reputation.”

          Ray’s two-minute schmooze is how Steve first learned the power of small decencies, its perfect example of decent leadership and the impact small decencies can have on organizations.

          Sometime later Steve authorized LHH receptionists to have business cards with the job title: Manager of First Impressions.

          Lee Hecht Harrison is now The LHH Division of Adecco, the world’s largest job placement agency, based in Switzerland. In 2021, Steve and Jim Lukaszewski coauthored the book “The Decency Code: The Leader’s Path to Civility, Integrity, and Trust”, © 2021 McGraw Hill. This story is on pages 46-48.

          *Shibboleth, Jim’s Definition: practical information you can use today and tomorrow, and lasts a long time.

          Wednesday Smart Shibboleth #2: The Ten Constructive Ethical Intentions of Public Relations

          Word Count: 200 words (reading time: 1 minute, 30 sec)

          Getting a Handle on Ethical PR

          1. Candor:

          truth with an attitude, right now!

          2. Openness:

          the willingness to talk, listen, converse, teach, explain.

          3. Truthfulness:

          unconditional honesty from the start.

          4. Apology:

          admission, explanation, lessons learned, forgiveness seeking, restitution, the moment they are needed.

          5. Responsiveness:

          answering every question, whatever the source; keep answering and re-answering questions until the questions stop.

          6. Preemptiveness:

          provide the questions people should be asking with answers before they need to ask.

          7. Empathy:

          actions speak louder than words, let the deeds do the talking.

          8. Transparency:

          do only what you want your mother to know about.

          9. Engagement:

          the most powerful communication always takes place face-to-face. The greatest decency is careful, engaged listening.

          10. Correct and Clarify:

          It’s YOUR destiny. Explain, describe, clarify, and correct promptly, or someone else will, and you won’t like it.

          *Shibboleth, Jim’s Definition: practical information you can use today and tomorrow, and lasts a long time.

          Wednesday Smart Shibboleth #1: Bad News Ripens Badly

          170 words = reading time: 1 minute

          Even the slightest delay in exposing, disclosing, and explaining bad news always quickly morphs into unexplainable situations. You can argue and debate this. Many have tried. but the time consumed in your debate is seen as silly and unexplainable. In every situation where I have witnessed bad news delayed, denied, deferred, or dismissed, the actual bad news quickly no longer mattered.

          The fatal career damage comes from the inability, reluctance and frankly naive arrogance of leaders failing to immediately, convincingly, explain with humility, why they waited so long to do something, say something, take at least minimally humane and empathetic action, assume at least some portion of responsibility while victims and damage accumulated.

          I often describe these reputationally toxic behaviors as straight face test failures, laugh test failures, integrity failures. Stalling, delaying, denying and blame shifting will topple, dissolve, destroy even the most successful, visible, promising, and “locked in” senior level careers.

          *Shibboleth, Jim’s Definition: practical information you can use today.

          How to Remove Indecency and Incivility from Your Life

          An important to do list to a better, happier, more successful life: This is a life saving and happiness recovery strategy.

          An important to do list to a better, happier, more successful life: This is a life saving and happiness recovery strategy. The metaphor is the warning you get when you’re on an airliner: in case of sudden loss of cabin air pressure, put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then help others.This document reflects the ongoing loss of civility and decency in our lives and is designed to be your civility and decency “oxygen mask”. Do these for yourself first. That will enable you to help others.

          Continue reading “How to Remove Indecency and Incivility from Your Life”

          America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto

          Welcome to parts one and two of America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto. In this issue we feature two elements of the manifesto.

          Introduction

          Welcome to parts one and two of America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto. In this issue we feature two elements of the manifesto. The first comes from Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, who on June 9th, 2017 was inspired to initiate a national conversation about moral responsibilities of businesses. In our book, The Decency Code: The Leader’s Path to Building Integrity and Trust, Steve Harrison and I have taken elements of Tim Cook’s MIT commencement address and transformed them into the first part of America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto.In part two, The Civility Credo, Jim Lukaszewski proposes an actionable definition of civility.Dictionary.com defines a manifesto as, “A public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives….” We would add the word “brief” and hope that you will find that as this document grows it will be useful in helping you develop your personal and organizational intentions, opinions and objectives in a way that is civil, decent and actionable.

          Continue reading “America’s Civility and Decency Manifesto”
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          ** “To the extent that any single [leadership] quality determines success, that quality is adaptive capacity.” - Warren Bennis and Robert Thomas, “Geeks and Geezers: How Era, Values and Defining Moments Shape Leaders”, 2008, Harvard Business School Press, page 91